Breaking Up
Break ups are never easy; no matter who ended the relationship, or how messy the breakup becomes, losing a close relation will always hurt. Unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil in growing up and developing intimate relations in adulthood.
Give yourself time; You are the top priority. It’s okay to be selfish when you really need it, and actually really important to put yourself first during this mentally tumultuous time. No matter the length or level of commitment of the relationship, it’s completely normal to grieve losing a romantic connection. There’s no step-by-step guide to recovering from a breakup, it’s different for everyone, and it’s important to not shame yourself for taking a little longer than you think to heal.
Self-care; Be kind to yourself. This could mean a pampering session, retail therapy, facemasks, or even just allowing yourself to skip out on commitments like school or work – self-care means something different to everyone. Treat yourself how you would treat a friend if they were going through a breakup.
Rediscover yourself; Relationships can have a large impact on our sense of identity. We define ourself as so-and-so’s girlfriend or boyfriend in relation to different social circles and situations. Reclaiming a sense of self away from that person is super productive in the healing process; spend time on your hobbies or interests, and appreciate the individual quirks that make you, you. Remember, the only person you need to be enough for, is yourself.
Distance yourself; Try and limit contact with that person, at least for the first few days after a breakup. Time is key to healing; maybe a little later a post-breakup friendship will blossom, but for now give yourself the space to get used to being alone. Distancing yourself may include deleting their number, blocking them, or even just staying off social media for a bit, that way you can get used to life without them and won’t feel inclined to reach out.
Deal with the anger; Anger is the second of the 7 stages of grief. It is a masking effect, hiding many of the emotions and pain resultant from the breakup. Whether this anger is justified, or irrational, dealing with the underlying emotions can help you prevent your ex from having any further impact on your life.
Videos, Movies, TV Shows and Podcasts
Table 19
(2017)
This comedy explores what it means to be single, as protagonist Eloise after being unceremoniously dumped by the best man, attends her friend’s wedding anyway. She is seated at Table 19 with a disparate group of strangers, as secrets are revealed.
This Is How You Lose Her
Junot Díaz
This novel contains 9 interlinked short stories, following protagonist Yunior on his tumultuous relationships and love life, and the long-term emotional impacts of his initial break-up.
What research says…
A study by psychologist Gary Lewandowski and colleagues found that there were considerable plus sides to breaking up; most young adults interviewed stated that the breakup ‘had helped them learn and grow, and that they felt more goal-oriented after splitting up’[1].
Research suggests most breakups have one of eight broad causes; a desire for more autonomy, a lack of shared interests/character traits, a lack of openness, a lack of support, a lack of loyalty, a lack of time spent together, a lack of fairness, or a lack of romance[2].
Other helpful organisations
